I thought I had life all figured out. I had a stable career, a husband, and we bought a house. Next step, we decided to have a baby; because that’s what we do, right? Society says do it, so it must be right; regardless of the fact that I was depressed and unfulfilled. I figured it was because I had not reached the next step in societies norms.
In 2006, I was struggling with fertility and was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). When my doctor told me I had PCOS it meant absolutely nothing to me. It was just a big medical term that came with a lot of nasty symptoms. The only thing I took away from that conversation with her was that my chances of getting pregnant were slim to none. The doctors diagnosis should have filled me with happiness. I finally had an answer to my issues with depression, hair and weight. Instead I was devastated that it was my fault we might not have a family. I never really thought about trying to fix the issue or that it would even be an option, I just dwelled on the fact that I had been labeled. My doctor put me on metformin (a Band-Aid) and told me to watch my weight, and “stay hopeful”. Being told to “watch my weight” was irritating. I had been overweight most of my adult life. I ran almost every day, and had failed at every fad diet on the market. Now, because of that I was failing to conceive a child.
In 2007, I was depressed and extremely unhappy in my marriage, career, and my life. All of that disappeared from my thought process when I found out I was pregnant. I figured this was my answer to all of my problems. Little did I know that this was the beginning of a journey that would forever change me.
My pregnancy was tough. At 4 months I was leaking amniotic fluid and put on bed rest. At 5.5 months I was moved to the hospital in case I went into early labor. At 6 months I gave birth to my handsome little son, Trent Aaron. He was born on January 2, 2008 weighing 1.5lbs. That same day I had to say goodbye to him, his tiny little lungs were not ready for this world. I was lucky enough to hold him and feel how much love a mother can have, and for that I am grateful. Life became more strained after his death. Nothing made sense. I was confused, depressed, and lost. While I was not physically alone, I had never felt more alone in my life. My doctor put me on antidepressants, which left me numb and completely distant from my world. I was not ready to deal with the pain of reality, so at that point in my life, I was ok with a chemical Band-Aid.
I felt like my life was a hamster wheel, a continuous routine that I could not escape. I did EVERYTHING society told me to do, and I was the unhappiest I had ever been. I decided something had to change, and that something was me! I began that day with a run, it was not fast or graceful, but damn it felt good to move! My endorphins were kicking and I was smiling bigger than I had in a long time. I was flooded with emotion and decided that I was tired of living my life on the hamster wheel; it was time to jump off! I vowed that day that I would never take another pill to alter my hormones or mood; I wanted to fix what was broken inside not mask it! I decided I was in charge and I was going to change things. So I did. I threw myself into learning about fitness and nutrition, and how I could use them to manage my PCOS. I put all of my energy into discovering what a makes a healthy lifestyle. I learned that finding the balance between nutrition, fitness, and emotional health is essential for a healthy lifestyle. The more I learned and shared I realized that I AM NOT ALONE in this confusing journey to find that balance! I knew that it was my calling in life to help others find their way. From that point forward, I said good-bye to the hamster wheel, and never looked back! I moved on from my marriage, left my career and found myself. I went to the National Personal Training Institute where I received my diploma in personal training and certificate in nutrition. Upon graduation, I began to build my own company for fitness training: Tabitha.Fitness! After the launch of my business, I attended the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and graduated as a certified Health Coach working with Holistic Nutrition!
Here I stand today, stronger, healthier and HAPPIER than ever. I am a WARRIOR and I am a fighter! My journey has not been a sprint, but a marathon. I am still racing today and I want others to know that you can take control. Its not going to happen over night and it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it, because you are worth it.
*It is recommend that you consult with your Doctor before starting any exercise program*